


what's the opposite of recruitment?

by kinderhook (mrs_nerimon)



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-26 18:43:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12064830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrs_nerimon/pseuds/kinderhook
Summary: Ryan has a problem with the newest member of his Paranormal Club.





	what's the opposite of recruitment?

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely based off of [ this.](http://68.media.tumblr.com/af62152f7b1d7579c145073d7a82a626/tumblr_inline_odf7jkouwj1tudvvm_500.jpg)

"We gotta get rid of Shane."

The door swung shut, and Ryan Bergara turned to survey his audience. 

BU's paranormal club had dwindled in size since its inception during the 70s, but Ryan never let that deter him. This club was crucial. They were the first line of defense, the only souls brave enough to confront the unknown. They were the select few, the curious, the investigators. 

They were four of Ryan's friends, who mostly showed up out of loyalty to him. And, more recently, Shane Madej, who liked to make a mockery of everything Ryan believed in, and who absolutely, totally, had to go. 

Ned responded first. 

"What's wrong with Shane?"

_What's wrong with Shane?_

"Everything!" Ryan sputtered, and his friends collectively exchanged a look. "He doesn't take any of this seriously, he's always cracking jokes, he doesn't even believe in ghosts-"

"Ryan," Brent piped up, giving him a frown. "I don't really believe in ghosts either."

"You- what? Since when?"

Brent shrugged.

"Since always."

Ryan let out a sigh. _Why were they making this so difficult?_

"Look, at least you listen to my theories! Shane just makes fun of me."

Sara rolled her eyes. 

"That's just the way he is, he's not being _mean_ about it-"

"He said he wanted to fuck a ghost!"

The room fell silent. Sara pressed her lips together, as if she was afraid to refute him anymore. Brent looked mostly confused. Ned was staring hopefully at the exit. Steven took a long, extended look around the room before he finally spoke up.

"He what?"

Finally, he had their attention.

"When we were talking about Waverly Hills! He looked at one of the old pictures of the nurses and said 'Oh, she's hot' and then asked me if I thought ghosts could have sex. _Sex_!"

Brent opened his mouth, and then almost immediately shut it again. 

"Well that's kind of.... weird." Steven offered. "But he was definitely joking."

Joking or not, it was _inappropriate_ and a _complete_ waste of club time! How could they not see this! Why didn't they find his dumb jokes and incessant talking and terrible bear opinions as annoying as Ryan did?

“Even if he was,” and Ryan wasn’t sure of that either, Shane seemed to joke about some _weird_ stuff. “It wasn’t funny. I was going through historical records and he just sat there making wise-cracks.”

"Ryan," Sara spoke softly, like she was afraid of agitating him further. "You're kind of taking this pretty seriously."

Ryan had to hold back a groan. 

“This club is a very serious thing!”

“Yeah, no, totally but.. Just cut Shane a little slack.” She shared a sudden look with the three boys. “Guys, we’re gonna have to explain it to him.”

_Explain what? How Shane was an idiot?_

“He just likes teasing you.” Ned rubbed at his face, looking embarrassed about something.

“That’s reason enough to kick him out of the club!”

“No, Ryan-“ Brent sighed. “He likes talking to you.”

“He just likes _talking_ -“

“He likes you!” Steven threw his hands in the air, his frustration at Ryan’s total obliviousness boiling over. “He _talks_ to you because he likes you. He _teases_ you because he likes you. He’s only in this _goddamn_ club because he likes you. Now, can we please disperse? I have a Bio test tomorrow morning.”

Ryan looked to his other friends, but they all pointedly ignored his confusion. There was no way this was true. Shane was a nuisance! An annoying skeptic who had to butt in with his opinion all the time. There was no way he _liked_ him.

Okay, sure, Shane usually tried to sit right next to him even though there were always empty seats at the table, but that didn’t mean anything. And Shane was the only one willing to drive out to Waverly Hills with him in the first place, but he made all his stupid jokes on the way over. And then there was the time Shane called him at one am saying he thought there was a ghost in his living room, but then it turned out he’d left the TV on and he knew it the whole time and he made Ryan come over for nothing….

Ryan felt his mouth go dry.

Just as it seemed the pieces in his head were sliding into place, his friends all locked eyes on the door. Footsteps were shuffling down the hall, and the door handle began to turn.

Shane Madej froze in the doorway as he entered, his eyes shifting from one person to another uncertainly until, finally, they landed on Ryan. 

"Hey, guys. Where are we ghost huntin' today?"


End file.
